What it takes; Sequel

 

questions1024x768

After the post on  What it takes, I proceeded to ask few unmarried men their views or convictions on what it takes for a man to make a woman his wife as promised in the post. The views expressed here were either typed and sent to me via social media or recorded and sent to me to be translated into writing. These are views of unmarried christian men and it is posted here with their full permission and awareness.

View 1:

“Almost every person is influenced by Society and their environment both man and woman… let me use myself as example, before I came to know the Lord, my ideal wife was;

1) A gorgeous woman that will sexually satisfy me

2). A woman that my friends and family will approve off. But now that I’m a Christian my ideal wife is a woman who seeks to be like Jesus day in and day out just like I do in spite of outward appearance and what friends and family thinks. And I have come to this conclusion because of the teachings of the bible”.

View 2

“First and foremost, I’d want the LORD’S blessing. The second thing is the endorsement of leaders, parents and family; people who I allow to speak into my life. I wouldn’t like to run into this decision because of passion, but would rather exercise patience and allow the LORD to direct me.

I believe this can be likened to a father wanting good wife for his son;he presents her to him and ask him about her.In the same way, God will present her to me and say son; what do you think? Hence, as Paul said in  2 Corinthians 5: 16; about knowing or evaluating  people not according to the flesh but the Spirit, I’d like to know her in the Spirit.

I also believe a man should pursue and initiate love and then a woman responds to the love initiation or pursuance. Another thing is the focus should not be on similarity or difference. Rather, someone that I can run the same race  with. I want her to be bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

In summary, the biggest thing to me is the move of God. I”ll pursue only if God wants me to; like Moses; am not moving if God is not coming with me”.

View 3:

“Major thing for me will be clearance from the LORD. This is something, I  have witnessed in the life of  others; a clearance from the LORD in terms of confirmations. I would seek  confirmation from the LORD by putting several fleeces before the LORD with specific requests for confirmation. Added to this will be talking with the leaders in one’s life and asking for approval.

Finally, the peace from the LORD will be icing on the cake to reassure and confirm that the woman or marriage is God’s will for my life”.

Yes, I know the underlying theme is biased; revolving around God and JESUS Christ. What were you expecting? A christian’s allegiance and loyalty is to the master and savior and LORD JESUS and rightly so, his influence and guidance in all aspects of life. Let me ask you, If you had a very important exam to take and you were informed of someone who had the manual to prep you to pass the exam, would you not seek him out? Yep, you would! Why then will anyway bypass the God who created man and life to able to “pass” and live life in abundance?

He quoted a proverb: “‘Can a blind man guide a blind man?’ Wouldn’t they both end up in the ditch? An apprentice doesn’t lecture the master. The point is to be careful who you follow as your teacher. (Luke 6:39-40)

What it takes

howto

Valentine’s Day was celebrated by many last week; both single and married. Some heard the; “Will you marry me?” phrase and ended up engaged to be married! Others have waited in the same relationship for years to hear the question popped, yet another valentine has passed with no ring. Maybe… just maybe he wants to propose on my birthday or  our anniversary. : )

What does it really take for a man to decide or arrive at the conclusion that a woman is to be his wife? I have wondered and rhetorically addressed this question to myself in the past as well. I may not be the first or last to pose this question to self or to others, yet it is worth pondering or asking. As such, I ‘ll be doing a blog post later on the various opinions and answers, single and married men give to this question. (It’ll be interesting, I promise!) For now, let me share a few insights with you.

Many people might without much thought hurriedly try to answer this question. Some might say; when a man finds a decent woman, he will marry her. Question; what is the definition of decent? Is it “well-kept”, “non- whoring”, hardworking etc? If yes, then why are many “decent women” including myself not married? If it really comes down to that definition and school of thought, then many women “over qualify” especially those in churches in their early 20’s to late 40’s who are single and”decent”, so why are they not married???

Another group might answer; when a man finds a good woman, he will marry her. Excuse me! What does that imply? All non married women are not “good”? And what exactly does good mean? Is this supposed definition of good universal or subjective? Fact of the matter is, all these ideologies about why or what it takes for a man to make a woman his wife is quite erroneous of you ask me. Why?

In the first place, when a woman asks this; more often than not, it is from a place of disappointment, betrayal or worse self-pity. Hence the implication that one is “not decent” or “good enough” is both distorted and damaging to the person hood of a woman. It tramples on the self-worth and value of a woman because it literally says; just because you don’t have a ring on your finger, you don’t qualify to be called good or decent.The implication runs further than this, in that; it refutes Genesis 1:31; which says God saw all that he had done and called it good.

It is quite annoying and sad that the image and worth of a woman is associated or linked to her marital status or a piece of metal or stone on her finger. Take a look at this scenario; for the same pair of jeans made of the same quality and material, jean A might cost $100 and the jean B cost $20 mainly because, the $100 has a designer logo stamped on it. Now tell me, is the $100 jeans “better” than the $20 jeans? Did you say, no? Well, exactly my point! The designer or name on the jeans gives the jeans its price tag and “prestige”. Rightly so, the maker of the universe, the LORD GOD Almighty gives every human his/her value; whether single or married. So the value or worth of a woman cannot and is not in her marital status but in creator, God.Your worth is in your designer and not the store.

Your worth is in your designer and not the store  

Added to this, in Genesis 2 :18-25, we find that a man has to see his need for a suitable helper or wife to receive one.

A man has to see his need for a suitable helper or wife to receive one.

So in basic terms, it is not a woman’s responsibility or task to make a man see his need for her but really; a self-awareness of a man as a living being to see his need for a wife.In Verse 22; we realize that the woman was made out of man and then she was brought to him! 😊 If I can take this further, after a man realizes his need for a suitable helper or wife, he also ought to have that which will allow a suitable helper to be drawn out of him. In other words, you can only give of what you have. “When the cloud is full of rain, it pours or empties itself”- Ecclesiastes 11:3.

After a man realizes his need for a suitable helper or wife, he also ought to have that which will allow a suitable helper to be drawn out of him
The best part about this is, it was the creator God himself, who initiated and completed the institution of marriage. He saw man’s need, provided or formed woman out of the man to meet his need and then BROUGHT her to the man. Ladies, let the burden roll off you! If you are in Christ Jesus, then trust that he will bring you to a man who is also in him, totally submitted to him. It is not about being good or decent. It is about whose you are and who you are.

It is about whose you are and who you are

You belong to Christ and him alone. He made you and he loves you unconditionally. You are in the world but not of the world, therefore refuse to conform to the standards of the world that spells out; ” the what to do or be to get married” as reminded in Romans 12:2.

Finally, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart;do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take”.Proverbs 3:5-6